Project Desensitize

A couple weeks ago I was asked to help change a wound dressing during my clinical rotation. I felt uncomfortable but I thought "I can tough it out, think non-icky thoughts." Well I was fine until my instructor told me to use a q-tip and shove guaze down inside this guy's infected abdominal wound. Well, I tried but all of a sudden the room got really hot and I thought "I have to get out of here." So I quickly excused myself and when I got out into the hallway all the nurses flocked to my aid since apparently I was the same color as my uniform. I was embarrassed, and what made it worse was that my instructor came out to check on me because the *patient* was worried about me and sent her. Wow. I feel like an idiot. John and I decided that I just needed to watch some R-rated movies (or maybe just surgery videos on youtube) and get used to seeing gore. Begin project desensitize.
Well I wasn't going to tell this story because I felt stupid, but now I can because I have conquered wound care (at least for now.) This week my patient had so many wounds I got nauseous just looking at her chart. Not really, but I was nervous. But when I got there to take care of her it actually wasn't that bad. I got to see the wound nurse change the wound vac that was draining a huge abdominal wound from surgery. I actually thought that was cool. I tried not to look directly at her wound but it was pretty clean. Then I helped to change the dressings on the wounds on her legs from this rare disease. I didn't feel uncomfortable once. I was pretty proud of myself and my instructor told me that I did a good job. Yay!
That reminds me, a couple weeks ago John and I were watching c-section videos on youtube. It actually was pretty gross but after a few, not so bad. That night I had a dream that I was walking around with a big hole in my belly and I realized that I must be having a c-section. I remember looking down at my belly and thinking to myself "I thought my belly would have been a lot bigger." Then I coughed and the top half of my baby popped out, one more cough and the bottom half came out. She was in two pieces. It wasn't a nightmare, I just woke thinking "Well that was just weird." I just hope I don't start dreaming about cleaning wounds or diarrhea!